I am running, far through the trees, holding only my dress and a basket, my glossy, nut-brown curls, flowing around me as I run. I look behind and see my home slowly fading away as I run. My father is calling my name. But he does not stop me. He cannot stop me. The forest awaits as I rush into the darkness, but rather than feel scared, I feel lifted.
* * *
Weeks before, my father called me into his study.
“Make sure you be kind to Sir Langdon today, he is coming to visit you.”
Of course. Another suitor coming to visit our castle, in search of my hand. There have been many handsome, wealthy men walking through our doors. But none of whom are very exciting. There is always my hope, however, that this man will be different; he will smell of spiced leather and hold a rose for me. He would take me to a different place, far away. Of this man, I imagined, he would take me in his arms, and unleash my desires, he would make me feel.
“Onwards with your day, my love.” Said father, attending to his newspaper once more.
There was much to do today, as every day. The gardening to was my first priority. Oh, how I wished for someone to at least talk with while I trimmed. The only company I held at our castle was the occasional male suitor visit. I enjoy their company, for it is the only I am allowed in a day. Onwards with the roses, the floors, the carpets. Oh I do everything, but what I want to do.
At last, after changing into one of my ruby dresses father bought for me, I headed down stairs to meet today’s suitor; Sir Langdon. He stood in front of the hardwood doors, awaiting my appearance as I descended down the wide, maroon staircase. He was very handsome, dark, with slick hair and blue eyes to die for.
I curtseyed after his bow, and he kissed my hand. He was definitely attractive enough, but did his kiss excite me? Oh the warmth of his kiss was gentle and endearing, but not what I was looking for. I smiled at him as he greeted me, but he did not meet my criteria.
Day after day passed, each suitor who visited did not fit my needs. Each evening for a few weeks, father called me in to speak to him about the day, the man, “is he your husband-to-be?”
Yes father, my work for the day has been done. No father, he is too well-groomed. No father, he is not for me. No father, I don’t love this man. No father, have you any other men? Day after day an excuse is what I make. What I really need to say to my father has not yet reached the surface. I must try, I thought.
“Father? I don’t think I want a husband.”
“Don’t be silly, sweetheart. Someone needs to take care of you, I’m getting old. I won’t let you go on by your lonesome once I’m gone.”
“But father.. my life is boring, will a husband really make me happy?”
“Once someone loves you, you will understand. Goodnight.”
As I turned away from my father’s study, for what seemed like the trillionth time, I had a thought. Maybe tomorrow won’t be another day, maybe it will be a better day. After all, father leaves home around 9:00 o’clock in the morning and does not arrive home until late in the evenings. Tomorrow’s male suitor is going to have to wait. It is my time.
The next morning, I awoke early in my chamber unable to sleep for much longer. I have formulated a small plan on a piece of parchment, of which I add to when I wake. It reads:
“Today is my day. To stop scrubbing the filthy floors, and stop questioning my home life chores.”
Perhaps it is not a plan, but rather an ideas sheet. Never the matter, it is an idea of something great. Today, is the day!
I crept out of my chamber, down the long-stretching hallway to my father’s master bedroom, and slowly opened his door. I stood by my father’s bed, and watched him rest. Oh, it would pain him if I left him. He no longer has my mother. But he knows not of my struggle, of how no husband will replace my need for a mother, a friend who just loves me, and expects nothing. What I crave is the freedom, of not to be locked up in this castle.. When he wakes, I will tell him.
Such a surprise father received when he awoke, walking downstairs to the scent of fresh croissants, bacon and eggs, orange juice just like my mother used to make.
“Oh my love, this is fantastic.” He kissed me on the forehead, and took his seat.
“Now father, I must be heading off.”
“What on earth do you mean darling?” He was distracted, reading his newspaper.
“I am going, going to leave you in search of new places. I want to journey, father. What I do here.. this absence of real life.. I cannot stand it.”
“Lily, you will not leave this house!”
Father suddenly became irate, and stood up at the table.
“I give you everything, and this is how you repay me!”
His voice boomed, as he stared at me deeply with his eyes, green as agate. His hand slammed my face, and after stumbling over the deep ruby rug, I ran outside. Through the trees, and straight for an escape.
* * *
The atrocious loneliness of that monster! Today, I am making my escape.
He had kept me captive for his own needs. I didn’t need the captivity.
I glance into my pocket at the map of the land I snatched off father’s desk. The horse and carriage awaits outside, and I jump in.
“Where to?”
“Will you please take me here?” I point to the location on the map I had chosen, long ago.
“It’s where my mother was born.”
My father runs outside our home, and is calling my name
“Lily, please don’t leave!”
But he cannot stop me. No one can stop me from changing my life today.
* * *
I have ended up in the countryside, at my mother’s family home. My aunty and uncle live here, but I have not seen them in a long, long time. My father was deeply upset after my mother’s illness, and lost touch with them after her death. I am now living in the country with them. They live on a farm, where they have horses. I spend my days here, tending to the horses. They are such warm creatures. Some days I think of my father, and how he is doing. I hope he understands why I had to leave. I see my father in the men who ride through town, their top hats emulating my father’s, their clothes matching his.
“Lily, darling. You have a visitor!” Called my Aunt Grace, from the front porch.
“Oh, for me?”
“Yes dear.”
I stride out of the stables where I was brushing the mane of a white mare named Alice. She was my favourite horse. Who could it be?
When I reach the porch, I see my visitor; he wears a top hat and long marble-grey coat.
It is my father!
“Lily, I see you’ve landed on both feet.”
“Yes.. I decided to pay my family a visit. They missed me, after all these years.”
“Right.. well it is time for you to come home. You have had your.. indiscretion, now you must marry the perfect man. I chose him myself.”
“Father, no! I want to stay here, and tend to the horses. Mother grew up here, I feel her here..”
My father looks confused.
“Why would you want to live here? My sweet girl.. I give you everything I have.”
“Yes, but you cannot give me my mother.”
Father looked stunned.
“I may not. But you need a wealthy man to look after you. You won’t earn a penny here, and I’m sure you’d rather not work a day. Sir Blackworth is an esteemed doctor, and is eager to meet my beautiful, smart daughter Lily.”
“No Father.. I cannot. I’m sorry. But, I love you.”
“Lily, I will always love you. Your mother.. I needed her. I don’t know if I can lose you too.”
Gosh. Never before have I heard my father speak this way, it is quite new for me.
“You aren’t losing me, I will be here.”
With one last look, he tipped his hat to me and turned away. I knew this was the last time I would see him.
And so I spend my days on the farm, tending the horses, enjoying the company of my Aunt and Uncle. They often tell me stories of my mother, and what she was like. Here, I feel at home. My mother is with me, and I am home.
THE END.
Image credit to Vincent_AF on Flickr
all things zooj 